Rules of Engagement/Requirements to work with my crew:
Now, you might be thinking to yourself “Wait, she has rules and requirements when I’m going to be PAYING HER to do this work for me?” You bet your sweet bippy I do.
First off, our company motto:
Our main company motto is this “The process with each client will be organic, yet structured.” I have worked with a very WIDE array of professionals including but not limited to:
Alaska Float Plane Pilots
Sea Wrights/World-Famous Explorers
Fashion Industry Merchandisers
Marketing & Advertising Executives
Presidential Limo Communications Peeps
Strategic Marketing/Branding Powerhouses
Healthcare Industry Professionals
Restaurant GMs/Servers/Bartenders & Mixologists
Cooks/Catering Company Owners
Financial Services & Insurance Professionals
LCSW’s and MFT’s
Retail Store Managers
Kick-Ass Military men and women including basic Supply Sergeants up to Commanders and Captains
Administrative Assistants/Executive Level
Biologists and Physicists
Teachers and Librarians
Massage Therapists/Kinesiology & Nutrition Experts
C-Suite Sellers for XYZ products
Bankers/Mortgage & Loan peeps
…you get the idea.
Because of this, I provide as much “structure” as I can with the different steps involved, but our experience with YOU will be unique, and organic, just as with all our past clients.
Now that I gave you a candid snapshot of how we like the process to be, here are my non-negotiables:
✿ I am not “ever available”. I keep strict business hours and they are 9 am -5:30 pm PST Monday through Friday. I typically do all my intense writing and lock myself away in my “Creative Cave” during the morning and up until 1:30 pm, so don’t panic, somebody from my team or myself will answer emails after that for sure.
I don’t work on weekends, and neither do my employees. We also take major holidays off like a large % of the country does as well. Gasp!
So basically I won’t really be happy when you’re texting me at 11:02 pm at night because “something” popped into your brain. (It’s happened more times than I would like to admit. Seriously people. Give a girl a break.)
✿ Do you have a sense of humor? We realize that if you’re looking for a job, chances are you’re going to be in an anxiety-ridden or (quite possibly) a catatonic state. We get that. That doesn’t mean that we can’t make our experience together HUMAN… we will do our best to lighten up the situation while still creating a remarkable product for you and teaching you about the current job market. We’ve been referred to as cheerleaders and “Givers of Hope”.
So can you mark “check!” next to that sense of humor box? If not, move on.
✿ Along those lines…this is a straight up, “No Jerk Zone”.
Just like we’ve all seen that sign that says “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone”. Ummm, yeah. Totally. While we will never go by the mantra “No shirts, no shoes, no service” (cuz heck, we don’t care if you’re answering our questions in your jammies and barefoot or not!) we will stick to the NO JERKS rule.
I refuse to be treated poorly and I certainly won’t allow my employees to be abused either… so if you’ve blown through 3 other resume companies and demanded refunds from each and every one of them before you’ve landed on this page? Move along. We aren’t going to be a good fit.
✿ I am not your mother. Nor do I want to be.
Are you willing to put some work into this from your end or do you expect us to just be psychic about what your career has entailed for the last 15 years PLUS you expect us to know what all your career hopes and dreams are? Ummm… I hate to break it to you, but sometimes our crystal ball is foggy so we give out homework. Not the kind of homework your least favorite teacher gave you just to piss you off and ruin your weekend, but the kind that will involve an intake packet full of questions about what you really DON’T want to do in your next job, and what the heck you were trying to say on your 3rd bullet point under your 2nd position you listed that reads out loud like someone has a mouth full of marbles and doesn’t make a lick of sense. (!!!)
If you can’t get your act together to answer the questions my team and I have painstakingly sat to compile for you, then, well… that’s a shame.
I will nudge you a couple of times like a good professional should, but after 60 days have gone by with no answers coming in? You are officially forfeiting all of the funds you sent to my company. End of story.
✿ Secrets. Skeletons. They’ze in your closet.
Are you willing to disclose All The Things to us when we begin our working relationship with you? Because if you don’t think it’s important for us to have the ~big picture~ or you are scatterbrained or just plain lazy, we will most likely curse your name or possibly even cry, causing our Australian Shepherds Lolly (Pop) and Pixie (Stick) to look at us with great concern when we gasp while reading your email that says “Oh! These drafts you just sent are all great, but you’re missing an entire section that I guess I forgot to give you. My bad.”
So this is a true story for a military resume I poured over TWENTY HOURS into. I still can’t believe it happened and if it happens again? It will make us want to stick you in the Bad Jobseeker Corner and send you an additional invoice as punishment.
So be transparent. Be forthcoming. We don’t necessarily need
to know that your guinea pig’s name is Dynamo (although we love pets! Go
Dynamo!) BUT we do want to know what’s going on with your current job, and WHY
our tribe is doing this for you. What’s the end goal? Etc. Tell us that stuff. We
aren’t going to go blab it to the world.
Oh, and tell us things like the fact that you’re a felon. You know, important crap like that which we will keep in our Artisan Vault in accordance to our strict confidentiality clause. Why would you need to tell us something like that? Because we can most likely give you advice on what jobs you should and shouldn't waste your time applying for... we have all that good "insider's knowledge" on junk like that and we love to share!
✿ Are you “teachable”? Or do you suffer from “Know-it-all-Itis”?
Can you be taught? Are you willing to take instruction and advice
and embrace the latest resume and hiring trends that we will share with you? Or
are you going to come back at us after we submit your beautiful, cutting edge
document drafts and instruct us to basically put it back the way you gave it to
us in the first place?
Newsflash: if you are used to running the show at work (whether it be directing a team of 70 Marketing Department Reps or yelling at Marines at Camp Pendleton) and you insist on arguing with us about how an Objective still needs to be on the top, and your references, along with all their very private information, should still be listed on the bottom, you will be wasting your money! Writing resumes is NOT what YOU DO for a living; it’s what WE DO for a living.
I promise not to show up at your work and tell you how to do your job if you promise to be open minded, release some control, and trust us AND the process.
✿ If all these things sound perfectly reasonable to you, then click on to the “Fees” tab next, and then back to the “How it Works” tab to book your appointment right away so we can get your New Job Party started!